Discovering Your Life's Purpose

Purpose feels simple when life is predictable. Then your kids grow up, a marriage ends, a home changes hands, and the role you built your identity around disappears. That’s when the fear shows up: “Did I lose my purpose?” I don’t believe you did. I think you outgrew a version of it, and now you need a new one that actually fits your life today. 

I share stories from a week that made change impossible to ignore, from watching my adult kids live in their own routines to talking with a friend whose family life got flipped overnight. We get honest about grief, control, and what it really means to let grown children fly free. I also challenge one of the most common lies we tell ourselves: love conquers all. Love without capacity doesn’t fix anything, love without action doesn’t rebuild anything, and love without growth keeps you repeating the same cycle. 

From there, we move into the practical side of finding purpose: entrepreneurship, money realities, loneliness, hobbies, boundaries, and building something that doesn’t rely on another person to exist. I bring in the idea of having many purposes across life seasons, then use Natasha Bedingfield’s “Unwritten” to underline the point: nobody is coming to hand you your next chapter, but you can write it with your voice, your standards, and your daily decisions. If this resonated, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s rebuilding, and leave a review. What would it look like to write your next chapter on your own terms?

Transcript

A Week That Reveals Change

Lisa’s Shock And Family Shifts

Why Love Alone Isn’t Enough

Choosing Entrepreneurship As Purpose

Adapting To A Harder Economy

Loneliness, Hobbies, And New Boundaries

Helping Kids Choose Without Fear

Many Purposes Across Life Seasons

Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

What Do You Build Now]

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hey everybody, hope you had a great week. You know what I've been thinking a lot about lately? We spend so much time attaching our purpose to people. To being a wife, to being a mom, to being part of something that feels stable, meaningful, safe. And when that changes, we panic. Because it feels like we lost our purpose. But you didn't. You just outgrew the version of it that existed in that chapter. I had a great week last week. Simply because I was in Kitchener. I spent three days with my daughter and one night with some friends. The magazines came in, so we had a new month to celebrate, and it was very successful. And I got to just kind of people watch and think about things and life and purpose. Really, purpose was a huge component of my week. I passed by the house that our children was raised, and I noticed that they changed the casement windows in the front to double-hung windows, and I thought, wow, how odd that is to see double-hung windows in such a big bay window. And then I realized that that's their choice. That's what they wanted. Easier cleaning, more air circulation. Who knows? But really, that house is no longer mine. And new owners, new decisions, new thoughts, new look. And then spending three days with my daughter was quite eye-opening as well because in her own place she's got different routines, different habits, different attitude than when she lived with us. And sometimes it's for the better, and sometimes it's for the worse. She seems like she's doing okay. She's very strong-minded, and she's forging ahead and doing what she needs to do to make the best life for herself. Now, does she understand purpose yet at 30 years old? I'm not necessarily convinced, but she's really trying to find it. And my son, he's a lot like myself. He lives and breathes for my grandson. He adores him, he worries about him, he's always concerned about his safety, and he's terrified to let him fly free and figure things out for himself. He always needs to be there when my grandson is around. But the interesting thing is, is they both have their own lives now. And my purpose when it comes to my family is how do I fit into that puzzle now? And really, it's basically just being a mentor, someone that they can talk to, listen to. Imparting advice can be a tricky situation because they're still at that age where they're trying to find themselves. And my daughter and I had a conversation about that where I told her my mom was always offering up advice or offering an opinion. And that doesn't mean you necessarily have to listen to me when I give those opinions. Take them as food for thought, and then make your decisions yourself on what you need to do. And whether in my gut I know it's a bad decision, she's gonna make that decision anyway. So there's no point in me being mad at her or give her the silent treatment. She's gonna make her own decisions in life, and that's a very important part of as you deal with grown children that you have to let them fly free. It is so important. And I think I needed this tragedy that happened eight years ago to realize that because I was, like I said in previous podcasts, I was such a helicopter mom. And then, of course, then came the biggie, hanging out with my friend. We'll call her Lisa, hanging out with my friend Lisa on a Thursday night after the week had passed. Her daughter had just gone through a complete loss in an apartment fire, and her boyfriend and her were living with them, and the place was quite loud that evening. And she said how overwhelming it is because they're so used to a quiet home that this type of lifestyle comes at a shock to her. And I'm like, I know, I like I my daughter moves in, and it's like complete culture shock on how louder things get and how you have to kind of compromise where when you are alone, it's just you're free-falling, you're doing your own thing. And you know, we started talking about purpose, and I said to her, you know, a lot of the things that happened to me in the last eight years have made me realize that with our kids, we gotta be so grateful for them, but we also have to let them fly free, make their own decisions, give them advice, like I said. And I think she's kind of lost because her kids were the center of her universe, as were mine. She just hasn't had anything later in life happen to her where she's got to look at herself and say, What am I gonna do for me? Where I was pretty much forced to do that. And you know, I told her, I said, I used to believe love conquered everything. I remember calling my ex-husband when we split up and why I was so determined to make this marriage work after he showed me who he was is beyond me. And I used to say to him, Love conquers all. Love conquers all. And I'm so thankful that he kept repeating, no, it doesn't. Because at that time, I thought that meant he didn't believe in love the way I did. But looking back, he wasn't wrong. Because love without capacity doesn't fix anything, love without action doesn't rebuild anything, and love without growth just keeps you stuck in the same cycle. That's where your own personal purpose comes in. Because a lot of us were taught that our purpose is to get married, have kids, build a life, work, work, work. And that can be a purpose for a season. But here's the part no one talks about. What happens when your kids grow up? What happens when your marriage ends? Your marriage may end up in divorce or death. What happens when the role you built your identity around changes? You're still here, and so now what? Now what? And then I looked at Lisa and I said, you know, I'm really not sorry for everything that happened because I learned so much. That you just recalibrate. You know, after the split up, the trauma, me going bad shit crazy, me losing people in my life, me losing trust with people in my life, getting into another relationship where the purpose was nothing had nothing to do with me. It made me realize that you just have to keep moving ahead. Not because you failed, because life shifted. And you're supposed to move with it. Now, I said to her, you know, I have this magazine, and it's very difficult. And there are so many days where I'm like, this is it. I'm going back to being an employee somewhere. And then I realized that going back to being an employee would just make me unhappy, resentful, and it's not gonna fill my purpose in life. And I had an aha moment where I'm like, okay, my purpose is to do things on my own, especially when it comes in a working environment, because I like my freedom, I like being able to talk to people on my own time, do my work on my own time, and not have somebody's thumb over me when I want a day off or take off for a week. So being an entrepreneur is very important to me and my purpose in life. And I won't go backwards because I see this all the time. People trying to go backwards, back to the relationship, back to the version of themselves that fits inside that relationship, back to the routine that didn't actually work. You know, uh just not feeling fulfilled, not feel feeling chosen, but calling it love or contentment because there's history there. And history doesn't equal alignment. It just and just because something was meaningful doesn't mean that it it worked or that it will work. And here's the part people don't want to say out loud. If nothing actually changes, you're not starting fresh, you're repeating. And that repetition doesn't just affect you, it affects the people around you, especially your kids, because they just they don't just watch what you say, they also watch what you accept. So I feel like I'm teaching my children and not accepting the things that I didn't accept after my trauma really showed them a level of resilience that we so badly need in this day and age. You know, groceries more expensive, minimum wage isn't skyrocketing to cover the rent. You have to live with someone. You have to experience the meaning of aloneness. And my daughter's very fortunate that she can live alone. But what happens when she can't? Well, she's got to take a roommate. She can't keep living with me because that is going back to old patterns. She's got to learn to survive on this very difficult road that the world in the world that we're living in right now. And now my son and my daughter-in-law, my grandson, you know, if they add another member to that family, they're gonna have to move and experience the reality that they'll probably have to pay$2,500 to$3,000 a month for rent. How are you going to do that? So you have to learn to adapt to the ever-changing environment while trying to figure out what exactly is my purpose? What do I want to do when I wake up in the morning? And do I have a smile on my face or a frown? Do I feel lonely or do I feel happy? Do I feel satisfied or do I feel discouraged? I know for myself, as hard as life has been, I wake up every morning with a smile on my face. I do have very down days at times. There are times where I think, why am I here? Why don't I go? But that's very short-lived. Because I think a lot in life right now can bring us down, but it's up to us to push through it, to believe in ourselves, and to forge ahead. The resilience. And Lisa asked me if it's lonely without someone in my life, and I said, Yes, I'm I'm lonely. I have a lot of lonely nights, but this is really where learning is coming in too, and learning about my purpose. You know, I wake up in the morning and I work. I have taken on hobbies like cooking sourdough, a little bit of painting. I've tried to get in my photography again, but again, that's looking backwards. And with my cataract surgery, I'm really not as interested in it as I was before. I used to love doing concert photography. My passion isn't there anymore. And I feel in some ways my purpose has evolved into something entirely different than who I was even three years ago. I don't like to drink as much as I did anymore. I'm not sober, but I certainly don't like to have a drink when I'm alone. I don't like to have a drink when I'm sad or mad. I like to do things, but I'm also very quiet, trying to save my money and keeping myself on a budget because again, I'm an entrepreneur and we don't know where that's gonna go. So I told her, yes, it's absolutely lonely, but I'm not gonna reattach myself to anything in the past because that experience of begging and saying love conquers all made me so proud of myself that you know, when my last relationship ended, I just showed him the door because there was lies and untruths that were just not told. Nothing was honest. When I, you know, my partnership, my business partnership, there was, you know, the reality of it was work was not matching the compensation that we were both receiving. And I had the strength to go, you know what, I'm I'm good without you. You can stay, but you're gonna have to match my work level. But if you go, you know, I don't care if you blame it on me. I don't care if you make me look like the worst person, I'm fine with that because I've actually need that resource that we give you every month to have hardworking people to grow this magazine. And that's exactly what's happening now. I've got an amazing team that supports me and wants me to win. So I explain, you know, so instead of chasing what was or looking back at what was and being all sentimental and dramatic over it, I'm actually building something that doesn't rely on anyone else to exist. My magazine, my podcast, my voice. I feel in many ways this is my purpose right now. I feel an obligation. Even though I don't have thousands of listeners on my podcast, I feel like this is an obligation that I must do on a weekly basis because it fulfills me. And I've made myself accountable to keep this going and not giving it up and saying, ah, no one's listening to it. I'm gonna stop. Just much like very much like my blog. You know, there was a time my blog had like 10 viewers a week, and I just kept at it, and I just kept at it and just kept at it. And I get a lot of visitors per week on my old content and including my newer things that I don't put up very often, but I do on occasion. So I'm not waiting, I'm not hoping someone comes back, not trying to recreate something that didn't work. I I'm just creating something new, and I want to see the magazine become different, even as it is now, as it, but the transition's gotta happen in order for the new to develop. Because there's a lot of risk involved as well, and that's a part of moving forward and trying to find your purpose is risk. You have to take a risk in order to really define your purpose definitively. And I also said to Lisa, if someone comes in my life, great, but they have to add to it, they don't become it. And that's the shift, the learning that I've gone through in the last few years. And I think that's where a lot of people get stuck. They're waiting for purpose to show up in a form of a person instead of realizing purpose is actually something you build every single day. And even with our kids, I get asked this a lot. What if they don't know what they want to do? What if they keep switching careers or college programs, trying to do trying different things? And I said, sometimes that's exploration, but sometimes it's fear. Fear of choosing wrong, fear of committing, fear of failing. A lot of the times that's instilled by our parents. And our job isn't to push them into a path, it's to help them build a confidence to choose one, even if they change it later. Because purpose isn't just one decision, it's a series of decisions stacked over time. And I'm gonna talk about a movie before I dissect a song. I don't know if any of you guys saw the movie, A Dog's Purpose. And in the movie, this dog keeps coming back, living different lives and serving different purposes each time. And I really love that concept because that's exactly how life works. You don't have one purpose. We actually have many: wife, mother, partner, builder, creator, leader, different seasons, different roles, but the same person. So the song I'm gonna reference this episode is Unwritten by Natasha Bettingfield. This song is almost a blueprint for what I'm talking about. It's not just feel good, it's a direct counter to the idea that your purpose is tied to one role, one relationship, or one version of your life. So let's break it down in a way that you'll understand. The rest is still unwritten. This is your anchor. It directly challenges the belief. My purpose was my marriage, my purpose was raising my kids, my purpose is over. No, that chapter is written, the rest isn't. And this is where you tie in your story. You're not starting over from nothing, you're continuing with experience, and that's a very different angle. Like I thought I had my purpose, had an ending, but it didn't. It just had a turning point. Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you. This is ownership. No one else can step in and live your next chapter for you. Not your ex, not your kids, not some future partner. This line kills the fantasy that someone is going to come in and restore your life. They won't. They can join it, they can add to it, but they don't build it for you. No one is coming to hand you your next purpose. You have to build it with purpose. No one else can speak the words on your lips. And this is all about identity. When people lose a relationship, they often lose their voice. And boy do I know that. And they start second guessing. Who am I now? What do I even want? What do I say yes to? The line is a reset, if you will. You decide what you stand for now, you decide what you tolerate now, you decide what your life looks like now. If you go back and nothing has changed, this is not a whirlwind romance or you know, the great love story. You're still not using your voice. You're kind of just defaulting. Live your life with arms wide open. This is where people get it wrong. They think this means be open to love, be open to them coming back, be open to fixing it. And that's not what this is saying. This is about you being open to new versions of yourself, new work, new direction, new boundaries, new standards. Not reopening doors that already showed you what they were. Today is where your book begins. This is the cleanest way to explain it. Because it reframes everything you've been saying. Not I lost my purpose, but I'm in a new chapter in life. And here's the distinct thing. A lot of people are trying to reread old chapters instead of writing the next one, and that's where they get stuck. So to tie this song in, I mean, there was a time I thought my purpose was tied to being a wife and a mother. Then I thought maybe it was tied to holding a relationship together or being a relationship guru. Then I realized my purpose is something I build, not something I wait for. So therefore now I'm building a magazine, I'm building a voice, I'm building a life that doesn't collapse if someone leaves it. And that's unwritten in real life. So, you know, after talking to Lisa and having such a great week with my kids and a successful magazine distribution, happy clients, you know, I feel quite content where I am. And there's, you know, my purpose is stabilize, grow, pay my bills, build something that lasts. Nothing fluffy, no fantasy. Just real life goals. So if you're sitting here tonight thinking, my purpose is gone, it really it's not. You just haven't defined the next version of it yet. And maybe that's the question you sit with it this week. Not why did this happen? But what do I build now? Because your life isn't over. You're just in a new chapter. And this one, you get to write it on your own terms.